Can I just say this really quickly.

My ex literally has to be the most immature person I have ever met. To all the people who think she’s such a “nice person”, to all the people who went to camp with us who she told that I’m such a horrible person for everything that happened, and to anyone who for some reason otherwise gives a fuck, how about you take two seconds to hear what actually happened.

Let me start off by saying she was my first girlfriend. We dated for 5 months, half of which I continuously broke up with her because I made the enormous mistake of being 14 years old and having sex with her for the experience, and she gave me a speech afterwards about how you should only ever have sex with someone you love, and then told me she loved me. Okay. Now picture me, 14 years old, my ending year as a freshman who was still very much in the closet, dating a sophomore who was clearly much more experienced than I was since she had been dating girls and boys since the 7th grade and had experienced sex before. Okay, now that you have that in your head, let’s proceed: yes, I did say “I love you too”. Did I mean it? No, I was 14 and excruciatingly stupid. I thought if I said it enough, maybe it’d work. I did however love her as my best friend, because she was awesome and nice and she really isn’t that bad of a person. My point of this isn’t to make her into a monster or something she isn’t, because she is probably one of the nicest people you will ever meet unless you’re on her bad side. Oh, and yes, I did accidentally bite her clit when I first went down on her because hey, it was my first time. But no, she didn’t kick me out of bed and make me make her a sandwich as she likes to tell my girlfriend. 

So we dated for a bit on and off. About October, I’m now 15 and talking to my “ex” who I don’t even consider my ex because she was my best friend and we dated for maybe 12 hours, 10 of which I was sleeping. Okay, so Maria is awesome, she was my best friend that I actually really connected with, I loved the hell out of that girl. My current relationship isn’t going so great. My girlfriend is an amazing person and she really means no harm by it, because we can all relate to dating that girl who isn’t out of the closet yet and we want to hold her hand so badly in public. Point being, I was outed long before I was ready. Which terrified the fuck out of me, I had friends at school who didn’t want to talk to me anymore, I was spending my classes in the nurses office so I didn’t have to deal with all that shit. I was so far from ready to accept it but I had to anyways, and honestly, it made me back away from all of that so quickly. But Maria, she was my best friend, she lived in a different town, she was charming and funny and hey, why not? Not my best decision, and yeah, “no tolerance for cheaters” and all. But I guess that really sucks for anyone reading this, because I am one of them. I cheated on my girlfriend with my “ex”, once, it was a large mistake and I realized that the second she kissed me. That time was a mistake. My next time wasn’t though.

I cared a lot about her, even though I didn’t love her the same way she thought she did with me. So Erica. I wish I wasn’t that sappy weird person, but I promise you guys, if there’s such thing as love at first sight or whatever cliche you want to use, that was it. Because I knew from the second she popped her head over the stairwell of Nicole’s hallway that I would have followed that girl across the fucking world if she wanted me to. But I didn’t want to break up with her after 5 months through a text, that’s such a shitty thing to do. But Erica, this girl that I knew I was going to love, was standing right in front of me and I had to give it my all because I had this horrible feeling that I had to try at this, because it was going to be really important. I don’t know if any of you have ever felt like that, like one choice is going to be detrimental to your entire fucking existence but I promise I made the right one when I kissed her that night. I didn’t want anyone after that. I mean I had kissed this girl once, I had a best friend of years who loved me and wanted to be with me, a girlfriend of 5 months, and a few other people I guess I could have tried with. But none of that mattered, all of them felt wrong and I just knew, even if I hadn’t told her I was done with everyone else, even if nothing went further than that night; that no one else was right. That was Friday to Saturday. I stopped telling my girlfriend I loved her, calling her baby, little things. I wanted to wait until Monday in person to talk to her. But Sunday rolled around and she guessed it, even though I avoided it. Monday we talked, and in all honesty she’d be being kind if she told you I was a prick. A lot happened when we did talk, and I mean, she cared about me a lot and I went and cheated on her and was dumping her for the other girl. I don’t regret doing it, but I wish I hadn’t hurt her that badly. It’s fair to say it would’ve been impossible for us to stay friends. And that definitely hurt her, I mean I was such a fucking prick and I completely cut her off so yeah, she has every right to dislike me. But it’s how she handles it, and I want you guys to see that. That it’s been 3 years and she still feels the need to not let it go. Let me just list for you everything she’s said:

• telling my girlfriend that she’s getting her “sloppy 9ths”, conveniently forgetting that I broke up with her
• telling my girlfriend that she kicked me out of bed, and trying to act like she played me, when I have never once acted like I played her
• telling all of my friends that I’m a “cunt” and a “bitch” for getting my hair cut short, simply because she previously had her hair short and I told her it was good at that length and not to cut it more, she did, by herself, with a pair of children’s scissors, and it literally looked so terrible that everyone made fun of it for weeks. I never once said anything to my friends or anyone else for that matter about her hair, because guess what, no matter what my opinion on it is, it’s her fucking business if she wants to shave her goddamn head bald. That’s her thing to look in the mirror and enjoy, because it’s her body. But for some reason when I decided to get a moderately “short” haircut, I’m suddenly a cunt and a bitch for it
• We attended camp together over the summer. I was there with Erica, the girl who I left her for. Let me just say that we had previously established that everything was all good, both Erica and I were sorry, and she was fine. I get out of camp, and can I just say how fucking annoying it is to have people chat me afterwards saying that I’m “not as bad of a person as she makes you out to be”? Honestly. You felt the need to go around to people at camp, tell them I’m a shit person because I left you for someone I actually loved, and tell them not to hang around me and my girlfriend? You honestly have to be fucking kidding me, because this is almost a year later, you have dated multiple people since then, and you’re still going to pull that.
• Erica and I have since then broken up, but we were walking around at Pride with her boyfriend holding signs for “Free Hugs”. She walks right up to Erica, says “I haven’t seen you in so long!” as if they’re actually friends, hugs her, and then walks away, blatantly ignoring the rest of us. Okay, there was no need for you to be that snotty. 

But you know what I’m really fucking sick of? The fact that it’s 3 years later, you’ve already graduated, and I still have to hear stories on a weekly basis about how you like to make up stories about how our relationship went, how you enjoy saying shit about me to my friends and my girlfriend, and all the crap that you pull when you see me in public. Even after acting like we’re peaceable and fine. Honestly, maybe it was stupid of me, but the night it was only me you and Marie in the car on the way back from WAGLY and we were talking briefly? That was nice. I was happy that we were able to be that civil to eachother. Because I don’t hate you. I really don’t, and I don’t think you’re a bad person, I don’t even think this is immature. Because it is not and will never be my place to judge you. Which is exactly what you’re trying to say to everyone else by being president of the GSA, working on Anti Defamation League and our school’s anti bullying team. I mean dude, you’re pretty fucking awesome and successful. You graduated, you’re going to college to do something that you love and you’re passionate about, you have like a fucking million people that adore you and you’ve really made something of yourself. Literally, the only thing that ticks me off is that I’m still hearing about us. I just don’t understand why 3 years later, when I have never said anything about you in years, that my girlfriend is mentioning to me how you said she got your “sloppy 9ths” by dating me. It’s so completely unnecessary and stupid that it actually bothers me. Which is also stupid, that it gets to me like that. But all of those things, trying to get people to not talk to me, calling me a cunt, all of that is complete bullshit. I should be so minuscule in your life at this point that my name should never even cross your mind never mind your mouth. Basically, there’s two sides to every story. And while mine is also slightly biased, I’m trying to own up to the fact that I’m a shitty person sometimes and that I’ve made mistakes. But hopefully someone else can at least agree how annoying it is to hear that your ex is still talking about you years later. So for anyone who’s curious, that’s the full story. From my point of view at least, because I guess I can’t say that all of that is fact and set in stone. But all of those things did happen, whatever way you want to describe them. And I realize that my Facebook status is immature, and I realize that it was judgmental and angry. But hey, you pissed me off. Finally, it took 3 years for you to tick me off but when it’s my girlfriend, I’m going to get protective. And personally, deleting it seems more cowardly than making it.